it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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