so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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