if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Randomize
