Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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