u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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