Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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