so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You can't just leave with hair like that
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
