Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
