John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
