we're blogging at a bar
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he was CRYING into my vagina
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
