Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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