Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
