Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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