i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
