We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
