i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize