no one should ever give us hovercrafts
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
