Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
