I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
