we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
