I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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