I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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