You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
