did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
