I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
