I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
