We got so high we made milksteak
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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