idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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