The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize