Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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