she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
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