Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
