My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
