Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
