When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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