im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
