Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
