You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
