Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
