The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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