I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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