She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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