I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
