hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Houston, we have a blender
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
