I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
