Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
