we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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