You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
