ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
