I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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