You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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