so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
