I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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