Umm I'm too high to move.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
