Midget sex pt 2 tonight
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize