Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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