It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
