my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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