Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
