I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
