No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
