Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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