I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
