That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
