he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
