genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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