i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
