I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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