How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
