Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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