Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
