my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize