We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
