why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
ok first of all what the fuck
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
