Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
