Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
