My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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