mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize