I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
