Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I accidentally burped into my bong.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
