My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
