when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Randomize
