life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
4 words: hood of his car
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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