I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
