From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize