But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
