My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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