Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
