Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
