nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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