Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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