i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
