I must be too annoying 4 u.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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