I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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