So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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