I looked at my own cervix.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
