dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
