8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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