My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
