I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
